The Balanced Business Dad

Playful Parenting and Entrepreneurial Spirit: Tyler Walker's Blueprint for Deepening Family Connections

RJ Campbell and Dustin Hoog Episode 89

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As a father, connecting with your kids can sometimes feel like a puzzle where the pieces don't quite fit—especially when the traditional playbook of catch and board games falls short. That's where Tyler Walker steps in as our guide on the latest Balanced Business Dad Podcast. With his background in recreation therapy and a household bustling with five kids, Tyler delves into the nuances of play and its critical role in knitting the family fabric even tighter. He draws from his own experience of growing up with 20 siblings and transitioning from healthcare to entrepreneurship to provide unique insights into fostering deeper relationships through play.

Let's be honest, as business dads, we've all felt that tinge of guilt when we see our children playing solo while we're buried in tasks. But here's the twist—Tyler shines a light on the gift of independent play and its importance in our children's development. This episode is chock-full of wisdom on how we can lead by example, making lifestyle choices like trading screen time for a page-turner to positively influence our little ones. And as we chat, we map out the distinction between core and balance recreation activities, discovering how everyday rituals and special adventures each play a part in creating a thriving family dynamic.

Now, if personal growth and strong relationships are your jam, Tyler and I share some golden nuggets in this conversation. We talk about the transformative power of overcoming shame, embracing your virtues, and surrounding yourself with people who lift you higher. I even spill the beans on how a mentor like Dustin can be a game-changer in your journey. So buckle up and tune in for a heartfelt exploration of play, fatherhood, and the art of being a good person that will leave you inspired to tackle life's challenges with a refreshed perspective.

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Voiceover:

Dads, do you want a thriving business that doesn't control you, a passionate marriage and kids that adore you? Do you want to grow deeper in your faith, be healthier both physically and mentally, build more meaningful relationships with your friends? Welcome to the Balanced Business Dad Podcast, where, in each episode, we dive into balancing and optimizing the six pillars of life Faith, health, marriage, fatherhood, brotherhood and business. And here are your hosts, pioneers of the Balance Business Dad movement Dustin Hogue and RJ Campbell.

Coach Dustin:

Hi, it's welcome to another episode of the Balance Business Dad. I'm your host, coach Dustin, and we have a really cool guest this week, someone on the other side of the state, on Missouri, so the Kansas City side, but somebody who's been a part of our council really since the inauguration. He's been a huge part of it and, you know, is here to help other business dads grow. But so everybody, welcome to the studio. Mr Tyler Walker, how are you Doing? Good? How's it going? It's going great.

Tyler Walker:

I don't know if I've ever been mentioned as the cool guy, but oh you know that's a perspective, right, that's true, that's funny, that's funny.

Coach Dustin:

So what I'm excited for and the reason that we brought you on the show, is not necessarily what you're doing today, which, of course, I want to hear what you're doing today but it's the experience and the history and what you studied and everything like that before, because I think that's what can really help a business dad. But before I start asking those questions, tell us who you are.

Tyler Walker:

Well, I'm Tyler Walker and that's who I am. Yeah, but uh, man the. When people always ask me like, hey, what's, what's one thing that would shock people or what's one defining attribute about you? It's always my family. Um, I usually my family of origin. Right, it's always I'm the oldest of 21 kids 21. You hear that You're 21. There's 21 of us, did you?

Coach Dustin:

know that I did, yeah, but I still can't understand it.

Tyler Walker:

So it's crazy, crazy but, as you can tell, or as you can imagine, like that is a large part of who I am. It's like growing up that shaped me. So yeah, like growing up, that shaped me, yeah, um. So yeah, oldest of 21 kids and all the stuff that comes with being oldest, um, feeling you know that responsibility and, uh, having the kind of being that guinea pig parents trying to figure out absolutely which they did a great.

Tyler Walker:

They did a great job, um, yeah. But yeah, I grew up and I I went to college and I was going to go to medical school. Actually I was going to be a pilot first. But college and I was going to go to medical school Actually I was going to be a pilot first, but things happened. I was going to go to medical school. Things happened again. That changed.

Tyler Walker:

But I still wanted to be in a helping profession. I learned about this degree called recreation therapy. I was like that sounds cool because that's still in the helping professions, that's medical adjacent, but I get to play while doing it. Sign me up. So I eventually got into recreation therapy through college, and college was a whole nother ordeal. It took me like six, seven years to get through it. That's what I studied, got out of college, I worked at a.

Tyler Walker:

I married my wife in college, had my first son before being done, and then my first job out of college was as a recreation therapist at a behavioral health hospital. And after that I worked at a couple of like residential treatment centers, mostly with youth and with recreation therapy. You can kind of go three different tracks. You can do like physical rehab type stuff you can go more into, like special needs. I chose mental health as my focus, so that's kind of where my passion is and that's where I went.

Tyler Walker:

And for those who don't know most people don't Recreation therapy the textbook answers. It uses different forms of recreation and leisure to improve someone's quality of life. Quality of life. So the way I used it is I. I tried to learn what people were interested in and use the experiences that they already wanted and enjoyed to show them who they are, who they could be, and process through some of the stuff that was going on inside, um, and just to have fun, like there's, there's a therapeutic benefit, just to have fun, without process, absolutely anyway. So so that's my, my uh career there.

Tyler Walker:

We went through a change. My wife got into real estate. She like quadrupled the amount of money I made as a rec therapist at at least uh. So I was like all right, you take over. And so I was a stay-at-home dad for a while, um, going through another change. She wants to kind a stay at home dad for a while, going through another change. She wants to kind of focus at home a little bit more. So I'm like, all right, well, let's try something, and through my years I picked up photography, and so now I'm building a photography business specifically focused on headshots, and all this while we have five kids.

Coach Dustin:

Amazing. So I don't know. I guess that's me. That's summed it up. So what I really want us to dive into is that idea of recreational play and play with our children. Right, and I figured you'd be a good one to bring on to this, because I know that is something that I struggle with as a dad. I actually just got back from a retreat with a bunch of dads. They struggle with it and it's that play aspect Now. I think if it's, you know, if our son wants to go play basketball, okay, I think we got that. I think we got the sports aspect of things, but the so you, yeah you, you addressed it right there.

Tyler Walker:

I was going to, I was going to challenge you on that. I think when people say I struggle to play with my kids, the problem they have is they have a very narrow mindset narrow, narrow mentality of what play is yes, a hundred percent. Um. So when you say you struggle with play, like what's going through your head, I don't know how to imagine like they're imagining, right.

Coach Dustin:

Imagine like they're imagining, right. So it's, it's that imaginative play, right that I don't know how to get on that level. Especially and I and I say this because I was with a lot of dads this past weekend with the daughters right Like it is, it's not in our DNA at all to sit down and have a tea party. I didn't do it when I was her age and I'm don't know how to do it now. Right. Party I didn't do it when I was her age and I don't know how to do it now, right. So it's, it's one of those things, it's how to get into this, and yet we know how important it is and we want to bond with our children and it's. So how do we do it? I guess and you know you, you mentioned the importance of it. So where do you see that? Not necessarily if they have mental health challenges, just to make sure they never have that. So I feel like it's important to have that in there, right? So, yeah, take it away.

Tyler Walker:

Yeah, one, like everyone has mental health challenges.

Tyler Walker:

Sure, some of them reach the clinical level, some of them don't Right, but play is needed. Recreation and play is part of a balanced, meaningful life. You just can't avoid it. It has to be there. However, how we define that changes. It's different. When programming, as a recreation therapist, professionally, for group therapy or individualized treatment, therapy or individualized treatment, we really really harped on the idea of evidence-based practice, right. So, and I would say, take that same mentality into parenting. And what we mean by saying evidence-based is first you start with a goal. Why do I even want to do this? Why do I want to use play and recreation Right and?

Tyler Walker:

then figure out okay, what, what is that goal? And then figure out what are the things that's going to fit that goal. Um, so I guess I'm going to ask you like, why? Why do you think you want to play you? You say you want to, you say it's an important thing for you. Oh, 100%. What are the benefits of it?

Coach Dustin:

So A I want well, there's a few different things that I'm thinking of. A I want to bond with my children. Two I want them to know that what they want to do and who they are is important to me. So I don't want them over here by themselves. I want them to know that it's important to me to be with them and to spend time with them on what they wanting to do. Right, meeting them where they are, I would get. That's probably the two most important things that I can come up with.

Tyler Walker:

Yeah, so it's an incredible tool for bonding, for sure, and then validating them. Yeah, it's kind of, I think, probably a good way to say what you were saying A hundred percent yeah.

Tyler Walker:

Yeah, uh. So if those are your goals, you don't have to do tea party. If you enjoy tea party, awesome. But if you're, if your first goal is bonding, the most important thing you can do is do something that you can show up enthusiastically, authentically, because your kid is going to feel that, right, if you're just begrudgingly, I can do tea party for five minutes, I can bear that for five minutes. They're going to feel that it's like when I don't know if you've had this experience, but when I would play a game or watch a movie with my parents and they were on the phone this is before cell phone texting day, so like on the phone when they were on the phone. This is before cell phone texting day. So like on the phone when they were on the phone during that, or if they were reading a book or talking to someone, I was doing something else. While we were doing that. It wasn't fun, right. Even though I love games, I love movies, as a kid I felt their disinterest and those. That's the memory I have of it now.

Tyler Walker:

So if you can't show up enthusiastically in whatever you're doing, don't do it. Choose something else and you're the adult. Kids look up to you. They. They want to be part of your life and that validation comes from being part of your life, feeling like they're important to you, from being part of your life feeling like they're important to you. It's not. It doesn't necessarily have to be my dad plays tea party with me all the time. It doesn't have to be that. So I would say, if the challenge of play to whatever dad is listening is that you don't like doing the things that your child asks you to do, take, take authority back and say hey, actually I would love to go do this. Could you come with me, right? You, you love to. You love to um, I don't know, play, catch, like. You're right, your six year old daughter is going to love to kick a ball back and forth. If you say, hey, you know what? Do you want to come kick a ball with me?

Coach Dustin:

Yeah, that's really interesting.

Tyler Walker:

Now, of course, there is yeah, so take control of that situation and show them like I do want to be with you. I want to enthusiastically be with you, yeah, so let's do this.

Coach Dustin:

So you know, as simple as that is. I don't think a lot of us have ever thought through it that way we it becomes to all right, I'm going to do this because they want me to, or I'm not going to do this Now I feel guilty because they're playing by themselves. So they're not necessarily asking you to do that. They're asking you to do something, and then the benefits from recreational play come from. Something doesn't have to be that. So find something that they will enjoy, and they'll probably enjoy it because you enjoy it yeah, I love that.

Tyler Walker:

Yeah, it's that time. Yeah, right, it's the quality time. It's not a specific activity that counts, it's the quality time that counts. Yeah, um, great, I oh so. So the imaginative play just kind of offshoot of this, honestly like, so, I'm a theater guy. I. I do theater on the side for fun. My childhood was built off of imaginary play. Like I was, I was a spy, I was a knight, I was a pirate. Like I was cars and legos, like I was imagining all the time as a kid. I hate imaginary play right now.

Coach Dustin:

Wow wasn't expecting that at all I don't enjoy it.

Tyler Walker:

Interesting, which is so weird to me, um, and I had to get through some of the guilt of that. It's like I should be leading them, because I want my kids to have imagination, I want them to be creative. They don't they don't need our help, that's. They're naturally there. Just allow them to be that now and that's going to come through, kind of the structures that we set up in the home. And so you mentioned something.

Tyler Walker:

Uh, maybe what did you say something about like feeling guilty that you weren't playing with them at some point? Honestly, kids need a lot of unstructured play without the adult there. If they're not constantly begging for your time, let them go play. If they're constantly begging for your time, you either aren't giving them enough time or there's some insecurity issue that we need to address. Anyway, so don't feel guilty, letting them be bored or go play on their own. They'll find something to do usually and that's good and you don't have to imagine with them If you want to go for it. But again, as we just said, if you don't want to bring something else up that you will enjoy doing with them, that you know there's something there too, right?

Coach Dustin:

So it's one of the things that I feel like I need to be at all times doing something with them for them to do something you know where I might be just relaxing and stuff like that and then they want to sit down and have screen time or whatever, because they see me doing it. So I'm like, well, I have to stop that then, because I want them to go do something else, right, yeah, you know. So it's like, well, I can't do that because then they model that. So I have to be going at all times and make sure that I'm doing something, so they will as well, instead of telling them just to go play and I get to do this.

Tyler Walker:

And that's you can. You can totally say that that's not going to ruin their childhood. I'm the adult, I get to do this, go play, like that's okay, do it. Um. But I've caught myself in that lately a lot for sure, because because I'm I'm building a business right now and it's like all on the phone, right, it's I constantly on the internet, yeah, um, and it's not all productive stuff, like. I do waste time on the phone too, but it's I constantly on the internet, yeah, um, and it's not all productive stuff, like, I do waste time on the phone too, but I find myself just sitting on the couch on my phone or computer, um, doing work in front of my kids, and I don't love the way it makes me feel.

Tyler Walker:

Um, luckily, my kids play very well together. Um, we've kind of built that culture. Um, they have friends over all the time. So it's not. They're not constantly tied to their screens. Uh, we do have boundaries around that they're. They're just not allowed. They know they're not allowed on screens without asking. And screens to them is like watching a show on the tv you're playing, playing a video. Sure, ipads aren't generally allowed for them to just play on.

Tyler Walker:

Anyway, but yeah, I found myself getting into that as well, and you do kind of need to model for your kids what you want them to be, right? Um, and one thing that my wife does really well is she just has a book by the couch, and so when she's sitting by on the couch, she picks up the book and reads instead of picks up picking up her phone, and that's something she's very intentionally done recently and I love it because that's that's modeling like hey, we can sit and do nothing. That's okay. Yeah's very intentionally done recently and I love it because that's modeling like hey, we can sit and do nothing.

Coach Dustin:

That's okay. Do it with a book, do it with your book. You know I've seen this. This reminds me of I'm sure it was some kind of picture of me I saw on the internet, but it was a parent holding a book with their cell phone in between it, so the kids couldn't see it. They were looking at their cell phone. So either they were, they're looking at the cell phone, so no go read a book, just like mom.

Tyler Walker:

Right, I love that. Well, part of my problem is I. It's so hard for me to read a physical book these days because I have to have it with me everywhere I go. So I I have ebooks and so, and they don't know what I'm doing on the phone. Yep, so like uh, but love, I love what my wife is doing Just having the book by the couch so that when she's sitting around in the family room, everyone watching her, it's a book.

Coach Dustin:

And I love that as well. I can't ever actually read with my kids around because they're crazy, but I at least have attempted that, where I'm looking at words on a piece of paper, um, so that's awesome. Well, it's glad to know that we, we have all that. So I mean really, the takeaway with recreational play a is important because we know it's going to well, just make life better.

Tyler Walker:

To have the recreational, yeah, let's, I guess let's back up a little bit. So we didn't. We didn't really get into like right, right, kind of jumped around to things, but but the why of recreation, um, really important to understand. We kind of mentioned the bonding and, honestly, bonding and self-discovery, I would say, are probably the two biggest benefits of including play in our life. Um, so playing with others for the bonding for sure, and then doing things for yourself and on your own and with others, can really be a powerful way to discover who you are. So the bonding one, I, I, I often say that serving and playing together are the two biggest tools that we have in our lives to create a relationship with people. Right, that's how I mean, that's how we bond shared experiences, and so when we, when we go into an like a non-pressure environment of this is something that we're interested in, there's no stakes here we're just kind of learning how to be together as we have a common goal that helps us develop the relationships, and the more we do those things with the same person, the stronger that relationship gets. So, with your kids, do the things that you're both interested in so you have that common shared goal, that you can both feel that energy from each other and that you both feel that you want to be there together and do that over time because it's fun, you want to do it, you like doing it. That's going to continue to build the relationship and the attachments. And you can we can go into like attachment I won't actually get into that because that's not really my expertise.

Tyler Walker:

But get into attachment theory and read some books about attachment with your kids. It's super important. But the caveat there is kids are kids. Try your hardest as a parent. If something's going wrong, see where you're not showing up. But if you're doing the best you can, you're not ruining your child. But if you're doing the best you can, you're not ruining your child. Some people who read about attachments and attachment theory feel beat down on as a parent. That's not the point. The point is just to learn how to be attached better. Yeah, so bonding is huge.

Tyler Walker:

The other one is the self-discovery. So through play again, there's no high stakes here, it's just play. You're just shooting some hoops right. There's no trophies involved, there's no lives are on the line, no money is passing hands. Now you can create all of that out of any hobby or anything right, but at the essence of it, recreation is just play. There's no stakes. So discover, figure out who you are and what you like doing and how you react to things. No-transcript the more we can solidify those lessons for when it counts in life.

Coach Dustin:

You know something you just said there and sorry to interrupt, but I think it's the most important thing is it is just play and there should not be pressure around it. The most important thing is it is just play and there should not be pressure around it. And I believe that we're out here putting pressure on ourselves to play with our kids Right, we are. So it's like take the pressure away and just go have fun. It's a fine line.

Tyler Walker:

I'm a. I really like frozen either. Oh yep, we're good Coming back. Oh yep, we're good Coming back. Okay, cool, I, there's kind of a fine line. Um, it's more of a gray fuzzy zone. But the whole pressure thing. I don't know what your thoughts are on this, but I I feel like there is time, there are times, where we put too much pressure on things and that there shouldn't be, doesn't need to be, that pressure. But sometimes, like pressure is a good thing, like you should feel some pressure. You should feel some pressure over parenting your child, yes, and helping them learn and grow. So there is some pressure that needs to be felt, but don't feel shame or guilt about it.

Coach Dustin:

I like that Pressure. No shame.

Tyler Walker:

Yeah, because it is your responsibility, right, they are your, in your care, yeah. So, yeah, there's responsibility and pressure there and you got to play with them. Uh, so let's, so, let's go. We talked like recreation in general. Now I want to go into like family recreation. Right, there's this theory of family recreation that I really appreciated when I learned it and I've kind of seen it in my life and the lives of people that I've worked with as well. It's called the core and balance theory. There are core recreation things and balance recreation things, and you need both to have a fulfilling, well-balanced family life.

Tyler Walker:

The core recreation are going to be the things that you pretty much do on a daily, weekly basis. It's just kind of that's your family culture, right, it's your family. It's your family dinners together. It's your reading at night with each other. It's going on walks. It's your family dinners together. It's your reading at night with each other. It's going on walks. It's playing games, it's tickle fights, it's whatever it is. That's core. The balance are the things that take some planning. That's not normal. So that's your road trips. Maybe going to the movies is balance. For you, some people, it's core, some people. For my family, it's Maybe. Going to the movies is balance. For you, some people it's core, some people, for my family, it's balance. Going to the movies is a new special thing. Going usually, balance is like outside of the home and it's a new experience.

Coach Dustin:

I like that.

Tyler Walker:

Core. So core recreation is going to be. I mean, if you have to choose one or the other, have core.

Tyler Walker:

Because that's the one that strengthens relationships, that's the one that builds family culture and identity and that's the one that really solidifies that attachment between children, siblings and parents. Balance recreation is the one that's going to stretch your family. It's, it's going to be the one that really helps you discover new things about each other. It's gonna, uh, make you more resilient, uh, because you're, you're, you're finding yourself in this situations that you have to navigate, that aren't habit, that aren't normal. Um, I like that now, yeah, the I. I don't know if you guys have had this experience. Your kids are kids. Your kids are still young mine are too but I've seen this like in my family of origin and in the people I've worked with.

Tyler Walker:

A family can knows that things are wrong. Their kid spends all the time in their room on their headphones talking to their friends, doing stuff. They don't have family dinners. They're like strangers in their own home, right, and they're like this has to change. And so they come up with this grand plan we're going to go on this big family road trip to this family camp and fix the family. The response normally is this sucks, like you're taking me away from the people I actually enjoy being with to go like torture for a week national lampoon all over again there, there you go, yeah, um, I actually haven't seen the movie.

Tyler Walker:

I kind of know classics, um in in the movies though they often, they often show by the end like it turns out amazing and wonderful and everyone, everyone's hunky-dory. That's not usually the case. If you don't, if you haven't, built a family culture of, of connection and recreation together, going on these big balance activities to try and fix your family oftentimes does more harm than good. So that's why I say really focus on the core one. And that's so easy. It's literally just make sure that you spend five minutes a day with each child. It does not have to be a ton. Five minutes a day will show the child I love you, I'm with you. You can do more, for sure, but it doesn't have to be a ton. Five minutes a day will show the child like I love you. I'm with you.

Coach Dustin:

You can do more, for sure, but it doesn't have to be crazy and that, um, something you just said there brought brought back to some things. So it was funny my wife and I were talking about. You know, one of our friends has an older kid. I think he's 17 now but he still is choosing to do things with his parents. Like even now, it's him and his girlfriend and they're doing stuff with his parents and we're like, man, that's awesome. But I've seen this kid grow up, right, since I've known them, and they've always been doing stuff together, right, they've always done that kind of thing together. So it's not like this is a new thing for him to do. It's just now he's shooting and doing it. It's not like this is a new thing for him to do. It's just now he's shooting to do it, and so it sounds like it's because they had those core recreation things before, right, so it's nothing new, oh yeah, for them.

Tyler Walker:

I love that. Yeah, it's, it's a habit. Yeah, it's it's normal, it's comfortable for them.

Coach Dustin:

They like spending time together because they do it and they know how to do it and they've learned that. Uh, they've learned that they can trust each other. That's huge. So, if you want that, if you don't want the cats in the cradle situation, right, we've all heard the song. Yeah, then you got to start it now, right?

Tyler Walker:

I mean, that's really the whole premise of the song it is yeah, because then the last verse yeah, it's like the dad's like hey, son, I want to spend time with you. It sounds like sorry, I'm too busy well, I learned from you right.

Coach Dustin:

Huh, guys, this is awesome. This is. This is stuff I know I'm going to go back and listen to. This is this is really good stuff, and I'm sure we could take this on and on and on, and maybe we'll do this, uh, every couple months. Just uh, have tyler as a guest here to really think about this, because this is, I think this is something that I mean. I was, I was going through all this. We're all we're talking about the children right now. I expect of it, but this is the same thing with your spouse.

Voiceover:

I, it was just I mean yeah, it's honestly the same thing with the brother.

Coach Dustin:

This at least covers three of the six pillars. Right, you can have this with your spouse, you can have this with your friends, you can have this with your kids. So this is awesome. This is something that we will definitely lean into as an organization because of how important it is and we see that. But, tyler, real quick, because everybody I've been asking right now which I want to put you on the spot. Yeah, what's your number? One piece of advice for a business dad.

Tyler Walker:

Oh man, I I don't feel like I have good advice as a business dad because I just jumping into it All. Right, then, as a dad, yeah Right, right, oh man, yeah right, right, oh man has really helped me finally become the person I'm comfortable being and that I'm now finding success as I'm building a business and as I'm building a relationship with my wife and my kids. And those two things I know you said one, but those two things are, are, are one get yourself to a point that you can confidently say you're a good person. Wow, I know maybe a lot of you don't deal with that, but I lived a life of shame and that crippled me in every aspect of my life.

Tyler Walker:

If you're religious, turn to God. Atonement, repentance, is real. Even if you're not religious, change is possible for everyone. Learn to be the person that you can go to sleep at night saying I'm a good person. Be that person. Love that. You probably already are that person, honestly. So here comes number two for me Surround yourself with people that you can open up to, that you can talk to, because they will probably reinforce over and over and over again that you are a good person, because almost everyone is, and so surround yourself with those people. For me, that's for sure, my wife, um, I've really taken steps to open up to, like, my church, church group. I'm friends, um, and a little tidbit for the rest of you, like, yeah, dustin is my coach. I honestly, I honestly would say like having a coach like dustin was a huge turning point in my life. So find people who are going to prove to you that you're a good person, you can succeed, and find a way to believe that I love it. That's amazing advice, everything in life better.

Coach Dustin:

That might be one of the number one tips I've ever heard, so that's awesome there you go.

Coach Dustin:

It's kind of nebulous, but it's good. Tyler, thank you so much for this. Guys, again, go back, re-listen to this. These are these challenges that I think a lot of us are having one way or another or may have. So you want to A don't have the challenge in the future. If you can and if you have, let's nip it in the butt right now and the Balanced Business. Dad or you can go to dadupgroupcom, join right there. It actually shows a video of me teaching the Dad Up framework. But until then, guys, go out Dad Up, because the people who love you the most deserve it, and we will talk to you guys next week.

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