The Balanced Business Dad
The Balanced Business Dad is a conversation that focuses on balancing the important six pillars of life for the business and entrepreneur dad. Join hosts Dustin Hoog and R.J. Campbell as they talk about the challenge of balancing work and life with the pillars which are: Faith, Health, Marriage, Fatherhood, Brotherhood and Business. Whether you are a solopreneur, dadpreneur or owner of multiple businesses, you will learn from success stories, wins and challenges from these Christian business owners as well as hearing about using the Dad Up Framework to handle challenges.
The Balanced Business Dad
Unraveling Awareness: A Journey of Self-Discovery for the Aspiring Dad Entrepreneur
Ever find yourself wrestling with the why's of your choices, like why those gas station snacks are impossible to resist despite your best intentions to eat healthily? That's the kind of self-discovery and laughter Coach Dustin and I, RJ, unpack in our latest Balance Business Dad episode. With the perfect blend of humor and wisdom, we journey through the maze of self-awareness, dissecting how it not only shapes our habits and choices but also aligns with our deepest values across all of life's key pillars—faith, health, marriage, fatherhood, brotherhood, and business.
Cracking the code of why we do what we do isn't just about insight; it's about action. We peel back the layers of our programming to understand the influence of our upbringing, culture, and environment on our behavior. This episode isn't just a mirror to see ourselves more clearly; it's a roadmap to reroute our habits towards a more fulfilling destination. With tales of dietary battles and financial foibles, we explore the law of reflection, the surprising revelations from regular self-assessments, and the undeniable power of journaling (even for those of us who'd rather not).
But we're not just serving up self-awareness on a platter; we're dishing out strategies to boost emotional intelligence and celebrate every win to keep your self-esteem sky-high. Whether you're fine-tuning your punctuality or navigating critical conversations, understanding your emotions and empathizing with others is key. And for all the dads out there looking to 'Dad Up' in every aspect of life, our Balance Business Dad Facebook community is where it's at—come for the camaraderie, stay for the growth. Remember, every step, no matter how small, is a reason to celebrate on this path to becoming the best version of ourselves.
You can join over 350 other Dads like you by joining The Balanced Business Dad's Facebook group here: dadupgroup.com
Check out our website at: thebalancedbusinessdad.com
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RJ on Facebook at facebook.com/arjay3rd
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Dads, do you want a thriving business that doesn't control you, a passionate marriage and kids that adore you? Do you want to grow deeper in your faith, be healthier both physically and mentally, build more meaningful relationships with your friends? Welcome to the Balance Business Dad podcast, where, in each episode, we dive into balancing and optimizing the six pillars of life Faith, health, marriage, fatherhood, brotherhood and business. And here are your hosts, pioneers of the Balance Business Dad movement Dustin Hoag and RJ Campbell.
Coach Dustin:Hey guys, what's going on? It's Coach Dustin. Welcome to another episode of Balance Business. Dad, I'm your host, and with me is always my co-host, the very seasoned, the very distinguished Mr RJ Campbell. Rj, how are we doing today?
RJ:Life is good. Life is good. I say that every time you do. I got to come up with some better words, unless it's completely honestly true, it is honestly true, then there you go, life is always good.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, now I mean, you can work on your adjectives. My seven-year-old, he's learning those, he can help you.
RJ:I could do like our past president and just use the same adjective twice. There you go, because that would be really really good. Really, or very, very. Very, very I like it and look where he is. He's got a lot more money than I do.
Coach Dustin:He does, he says, all right, guys, we're going to jump into it today. So this is a topic that I you know RJ hears me talk about all the time and you know, as I am working with one-on-one coaching clients that I have, I would say, the first 60 days that I'm working with a client it's really around this and that is to help people have more self-awareness and have awareness around the things that are going on. And I know awareness is a very vague word and we're going to go get into it and how you can increase your self-awareness. Yet with awareness, once you have awareness, it's honestly, it's transformational in itself.
Coach Dustin:And what I mean by that is, once you're aware of something, you can't unsee what you're aware of now. So I'm going to use myself as an example a couple of times you look at your budget and you think you're making all this money in the world and then you really start breaking down the numbers and you're like, nope, actually I am borrowing from Peter to pay Paul. Once you realize that and have awareness around it, you can't unsee that anymore. Now you can fix it, but you can't fix things until you have awareness around them.
RJ:That makes sense. So we hear this term self-awareness all the time. Four sentences or less what the hell is self-awareness? Well, that was tough. He didn't know that was coming that way, especially when I said four sentences or less.
Coach Dustin:You know because the self-part brings that up, because you can have so much more into that. But I would say awareness around your actions, awareness around your feelings, awareness around your thoughts, like why are they there? What are they doing? Why am I doing what I'm doing?
RJ:Why am I thinking that? Why am I feeling that?
Coach Dustin:And what am I doing? You know, we've talked about that a lot. You know, for the dads out there, especially the business dads, it's when you are thinking you're protecting your family by not bringing your struggles to your spouse. Well, I'm not going to bring that to them, so I'm going to bottle all this in because they can't see what I'm really going through. Well, that's bogus. So once you have awareness around that, then you're like oh no, I'm kind of being an asshole here. I need to actually bring my wife in because we're a team.
RJ:Okay, yeah, this is one of those terms you hear all the time. Self-awareness and that was my first question to him is what is that? It's just such a catchphrase now.
Coach Dustin:And I don't disagree that it's a catchphrase, it really is. Yet, like I said, the first 60 days of coaching it's what's going on in your life and a lot of times people will come to me and get coaching. They say they want coaching on this and they want to learn how to do this. Yet once we really break it down in those 60 days, we realize they already knew how to do that. They just weren't doing it because of something else. So it's the awareness why are you not doing what you know you're supposed to be doing at this time?
RJ:Okay, right, definitely could be one of them.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, yeah. So there's awareness around a lot of things and it's sometimes it's just, you know, if you look at John Maxwell, he has what's called the law of reflection, which you've probably heard me talk about a couple of times. Sometimes you just got to reflect on what the hell am I doing? Right For someone who don't have this challenge as much as I do, but when I am aware of that, I was poisoning myself with, you know, unhealthy food or poisoning myself with, whatever it may be right, the food I was eating too much. Why was I doing that? There's a reason why. Obviously we know that you shouldn't be eating a chocolate cake before you're dead.
RJ:He didn't mean it. He meant a chocolate cake, by the way, not a slice.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, and you know you're not supposed to be doing that, so why are?
RJ:you. Why are we doing it? Yeah, we say we talk about that all the time in different levels of coaching. Why are you even coaching on that? People already know that they should or shouldn't be doing whatever we're talking about. We do talk about that with diet a lot. Everybody knows. Why are you going to do a whole course on that? Everybody knows what they're supposed to eat. Now, that is true, but they're not doing it. They're continuing to eat poorly.
Coach Dustin:I mean, everyone knows that you should probably not spend as much money as you make, that you should probably spend less than you make. Everyone. I don't think anybody would argue that.
RJ:People are aware of that basic principle, but they still do it.
Coach Dustin:They still do it. So the awareness of around why you are doing things is self-awareness.
RJ:So that's part of the self-awareness. Why are you doing that when you know you should not be doing that?
Coach Dustin:Yeah, and sometimes part of the path of awareness is asking yourself the why questions. Why am I?
Voiceover:doing this?
Coach Dustin:Why did I just get drunk for the sixth, ninth in a row after my wife and kids went to bed?
RJ:Why am I still struggling with visiting porn sites when I know I should not as a married man? Yeah, hmm, the Y behind it. We talk about the Y behind a lot of things.
Coach Dustin:So self-awareness is a lot of Y. You've heard me talk about this before. You know, if you back up, everything comes from what's called our programming. It's the psychology world and I'm obviously not a psychologist by any means yet I've studied this a lot in our mental, I guess, our mindset around things and things come from our programming. When I say programming, I say programming is kind of combined with everything the culture you're in, your family, your parents, your siblings, your friends, maybe your church. You went to the community you grew up in. That's all your programming. And our programming leads us to our thoughts, meaning I think I'm thinking this because of everything that has been put into me Our thoughts that lead to our feelings. I feel this way because I think that that is bad and our feelings lead to our actions, right. So that's where we find the awareness path and that's what takes, honestly, 60 days sometimes when we're really coaching through a challenge. Right, we have to back all that up and figure out where is that programming coming from? The cool part is is when you find out where that programming is coming from, it's very easy to change the action Because you can go back and just take that out of there, right you get to come back on the memory. Nobody else does so I had. You know, a lot of this is kind of going off topic because I have a whole checklist here that I'm going to share with you guys and we haven't gotten to yet, when I was doing the journey to the fight. Maybe one day we will have to post that, see if we can get that out there, that whole documentary or something like that to get this out there. But when I was doing that, I had a. Obviously there was a lot of programming around what I was doing.
Coach Dustin:When it came to food and one of the things that I'm honestly still guilty of today, I just know why I have it, so I don't do it. As much is. I love I love. It's a very weird thing, but I love stopping at a gas station for a snack or this. I mean I could stop at a gas station five times a day. I enjoy it, like. So. I had to back that up. Where is this coming from? Why are gas stations? Where probably a lot of my diet was failing, honestly was because of gas stations, and I know that sounds silly to a lot of people, but then I back up. You know I was raised by. My parents were divorced, so a lot of times I was with my dad, a lot of times with my mom. Yet the interesting part about that is they were both smokers, and you know what smokers do a lot.
RJ:Stop the gas station pick up back at stations to pick up cigarettes and we're talking.
Coach Dustin:They were smokers.
RJ:We're talking like two packs a day when they smoke real smokers, like they used to be in the good old days when the world smelled of smoke.
Coach Dustin:Yes, like they didn't put one out, they lit the new one with the old yes, right, yeah. So we were at a gas station a lot because they didn't get cartons, because, honestly, they were too poor to buy cartons, so they just had to get the money that $3 or whatever it was at that time and go get another one. So that means I was going to gas stations a lot and I would get something from there and that stuck with me my entire life.
RJ:So they picked up a pack of smokes and you got a package of ding dongs or whatever you wanted at the time couple of Slim Jim's.
Coach Dustin:So it's interesting that that's where my programming came from and I let that. And I didn't know until I got awareness, self awareness. Why am I doing this? Why is that enjoyable to me that if I leave my house and go to my office or I go to work I stop by a gas station? And the awareness came from when I started doing it with my son. Every single morning we would stop at a gas station on the way to school, and then one morning we didn't and he lost it. And we're talking young. He was like three years old and I was like holy.
Coach Dustin:Cow yeah, I'm doing the same thing, programming him the same way. Right then, and there is like wow, I got the awareness. I now know why I'm acting this way, where this feelings came from, where this thought came from, and now I can change it. So now it's a treat. It's not every day, so that is a path of self-awareness. That again, we kind of went off topic there, but it is that that catch phrase, if you will, but it's so important.
RJ:It's the why behind so much of what we do. So that's really the awareness You're. You're one, you're aware that you do it. The deeper awareness is where did it come from? Yeah, why are we doing that?
Coach Dustin:yeah, and you know, I remember talking to a coach and and he at that time and it was I was looking for a health coach a long time ago and I got so defensive because he said oh well, it all goes back to your parents and See, that pissed me off because I feel like I had a great childhood. I very close with my parents. So why are we blaming my parents for something? And really it's not we're blaming them, it was just the programming that I had at that time. We're crediting them right. Yeah, and I was so defensive. It's not my parents fault, I'm the one who's doing it, not them. There was programming around.
RJ:Wow, freud was right.
Coach Dustin:It all goes back to our parents or society, or the culture or whatever you want to look at, right? So how do we get better at self-awareness, how do we Lean on this path where we can find out why we're doing things and then the things that we aren't Wanting to do we can change? So you guys ready for this? Here we go, alright. Number one reflect on your values and priorities. Right, and that says take the time to reflect on your core values and your priorities, meaning what is truly important to you is Time with your family. Important, you, is to make sure you know, one of the things that are important to me as a father is I spend one-on-one time with each child, right, that's, that's a priority to me, right? So it's to take time and write this down. You know we do it in business. I mean, you've worked at however many corporate 500 or fortune 500 companies where they do these core value Exercises that you always blew off, yeah right, you even joke about it now.
Coach Dustin:Why wouldn't?
RJ:you do that for yourself, coming up with your core yeah, noting what are your core values never done. Priorities, not personal, and then your priorities, yeah, yeah.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, so that starts with it. This is one that we talk about a lot, especially in the. The data council is regular self assessments. So in the council we have what's called the balance sheet and it is an assessment. It's a self assessment that we grade ourselves on and then we go over in the retreats. But it's to take a moment and reflect where are you now in certain areas of life that are important to you your finances, your health, your marriage as a father, your faith with God? Where are you right? And take those assessments in, benchmark them, right? You know it's a report card. In School we got four report cards is right.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, we did four quarters, four quarters. There's probably a reason why you did that. What gets measured gets improved. Yeah, because if you weren't doing it, if you did it once a year and Then you're supposed to move on and grow and you're like well, actually you suck, maybe I could have worked on something as soon as that quarter was up, right, right. So regular self assessments is something that we believe big in the council and it's something that you know. I I Assess every quarter with my coaching clients. We do this together too, right. So self assessments, that's a big one. This is a habit that I don't have and I haven't really leaned into enough, but I think it's so crucial and it's one of these that I need to. I need to develop honestly, that's journaling.
RJ:So it's so crucial, but not crucial enough to do it. I have not.
Coach Dustin:I know it is there's a coach line there, 100% and it's interesting because I Hold a lot of my coaching people accountable to journal.
RJ:Right yeah.
Coach Dustin:I do not do it either never have but I know what it's, I know the power behind it. I'll put it that way yeah, right, and journaling because you can record your thoughts. Right, you get to record your thoughts, your feelings and experiences. So that's where you find patterns In something. Why was I so short with my wife today? Well, it actually happens every Wednesday when you have your budget meeting at work, right? So then you can start finding these patterns and realize that I take that home or whatever it may be. I'm just giving examples here. But the more you reflect on that, excuse me the more you journal on things, you get to find more awareness.
RJ:And so that? Yeah, so, total honesty in this journal. This isn't for sharing, no, these are your own notes, these are your thoughts. That has to be the most important part of journaling. Yes, the first is to do it, and second is write down exactly what you're thinking, feeling for that day. If that's what it is, and from what I understand from people in the journal, it's not long. Some people journal just sentences. You're not talking about writing. Have a book or 10 paragraphs.
RJ:It's just pretty basic Bullets, scribbles, notes, but yeah, on your thoughts honestly with yourself. It's like a diary when you're your sister, when you're a kid. That was bad. That was bad, locked.
Coach Dustin:Yeah.
RJ:More manly name, for sure, definitely more manly. But if my journal is a Hello Kitty journal, it's back to be in a diary. It still works. It still works, though Don't know where that came from.
Coach Dustin:Seek feedback. Oh, that's hard. It is. We do this a lot in the council, of course, do this with coaching clients. I do this with them. I have a coach Because sometimes, especially if you're open and honest with these people that you've put in your life, they know you and they're aware of the things that you have going on. You just have to get self-aware and honestly. It's when you give feedback and when you're asking for feedback you're asking people to really interrogate why you're doing things and ask questions around it.
RJ:So I ask questions, not just give thoughts. So I just finished reading a book, critical Conversations, and they have a section in there it's all built around this company that is staffed with convicted criminals living together, and then they have a number of businesses that these guys all work in Unbelievably successful businesses, considering who these people are and these are tough convicted felons. They go through a process I think they call it the game, I think they call it gaming somebody. You take your team. If you're on the construction business, you all get together and it's just open feedback and it's tough. I mean, you've got to remember these are not soft men. So they're telling you out now you're trying to keep it clean what that kind of makes. Yeah, a lot of beeps. You never show up on time. I mean it's just, they just beat each other up on this stuff.
Coach Dustin:They're not worried about.
RJ:HRV and calls no doubt about it, and they said the first few times you go through it, you get very defensive. It's really tough Now. Their whole point, though, is you need to own your own story. When people are giving you that tough feedback, you don't have to argue with them. They refer to it as you just put it all in your pillowcase and then that night unpack your pillowcase and think about what they were selling, saying you don't have to even agree with it Because you can own your own story. There may be a reason, it may just be that they were wrong, but don't argue with them because it's just their thought. But it doesn't have to be true. You don't necessarily have to let it beat you down. It's just thank you, appreciate that. You might not agree with it, but you don't have to argue with it there. You just take back, think about it later. It's like yeah, I still don't agree with that one. I don't think I'm like that, but yeah, that'd be tough.
RJ:But, feedback's good. Hard to take, though, man. I know that's a weakness, one of my many. I get very defensive very quickly when I get feedback.
Coach Dustin:I do, unless it's the right person.
RJ:So you accept it from your coaches. Yes, I hear Dustin coaching and getting coached from time to time and, yeah, you are accepting it because that's what you are paying these people to do Give you honest feedback. You're like, wow, that's good, I'll work on that one.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, yeah, 100%. Next one is and this is definitely one of those catchphrases, I think is what you call it we're back to catchphrase Mindfulness practices.
RJ:Well, mindfulness comes up a lot. That's another one. I don't even know what that means.
Coach Dustin:I don't either, but so I'll tell you. It says in corporate mindfulness practices in your routine. So that's the meditation deep breathing exercises, all right, I don't say that these are bad, I'm not saying these are good, but what I'm saying is what I think. This is is a time to think. One of the places I find awareness around a situation or a challenge or anything is if I'm out for a walk. Right, I get so much clarity and awareness around things when I'm out walking, when I'm out moving. I don't know if that falls under mindfulness practices or not, but it does.
RJ:In my world it does now, because we're taking this over. Yeah, it's our word, we own it for the day. If somebody would have asked me before this, what is your, how do you define mindfulness? And I would have just used the word awareness. I'm being mindful of that. I'm being mindful of how my words are going to impact my spouse, so I think it's a synonym, great word to use there with awareness. And yes, I agree, we've talked a little bit lately about meditation. I have still not really gotten into it. Like I said I was going to, it's one of the spiritual disciplines. But and it's funny you mentioned being out for a walk, clear as your head, I am absolutely that way. On a bicycle also, also on a hike, I don't know. A long bike ride, yeah, if nothing else to do, watching the scenery go by, man. That is when your mind is emptying and filling at the same time, which is kind of the idea of meditation.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, so I'm going to skip some of these notes. Personal development courses in my opinion, always be learning, always. Personal development is a core value I have. I'm always developing personally, so not really going to go into there Goals. We hammer on goals a lot. Finally, rj has set a goal in his life, so we're really excited about that. One Regular check-ins that kind of goes back to journaling your journal is your check-in, right. So this is one of those catchphrases we were talking about before this.
RJ:Emotional intelligence what the hell is it? Is that it? You talk about another corporate word? We had your IQ and your EQ and I was like, okay, I'll make some stuff up there. So we do hear that a lot.
Coach Dustin:So funny. I just never would have thought this is a corporate word. So I know of such a different world, a personal development where you know where they were trying to develop you personally. You guys were just all closed off from it. We were.
RJ:We called it the emotional quotient, because it was your EQ, not your IQ, and we were all like, yeah, blah, blah, blah, whatever, just pay for my trip to Atlanta for three days to talk about it and I'm good, not gonna take anything back with me but a hangover. So, emotional intelligence, what does that really mean?
Coach Dustin:to you. To me, it's understanding why I have an emotion.
RJ:Okay, so understanding why something ticks you off every time that happens.
Coach Dustin:That could be a part of it.
RJ:Or what I'm on positive side. Something makes you particularly happy every time it happens. Just the understanding why.
Coach Dustin:Why does that one thing set me off so bad? Here's a perfect example If someone is one minute early and they're not there yet, I'm upset with them.
RJ:He is an early guy.
Coach Dustin:Because that's their late.
RJ:I used to be an early guy till I knew how much a pistol of dust, and now I'm five minutes late for everything.
Voiceover:And that is no joke, that's an issue.
Coach Dustin:I've had to check that. Why my emotion? Why? Why it goes back to my programming. Actually, my dad was an extremely early person. We were always rushed to get there an hour early, Right, and it's honestly a programming I have pushed on my kids. We have a saint in my house. Well, my kids do my wife was a nice. Hokes are never late.
RJ:And I'm critical of him for dumping that onto his children at this young of an age. They don't need that stress. I don't disagree, they'll figure that out.
Coach Dustin:I don't disagree. But that is that I know it's taken me a long time. Why? But being rushed? If I feel like I'm going to be just a second late, you would not believe the emotional anxiety I have. So that's why I'm always leaving early, Always. For that fact, I would much rather be somewhere an hour early.
RJ:My father used to always say better two hours early than two minutes late.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, yeah. So that is it. I had to really come where. Why am I having this emotion around it? And it's one of those things that I haven't chose to change. I'm still going to be early. It may or may not be serving me, but I'm still going to be early. So once you know where your emotions are coming from, it doesn't mean that you have to change everything about you. It just needs to know where it came from. That's what emotional intelligence means to me. It works Okay, right, or why, when my wife talks about this sets me off this much? Whatever it may be knowing where the emotion is coming from.
RJ:That's good. Yeah, again, it's the why. Because I have enough of those, yeah, those things that just set me off instantly. Now look back, okay, stop and think about that. Why? Why, when your wife asks these particular questions, are you getting defensive and mad and you got to share the pool? There's a reason they're asking yeah, and that's a saying that I heard in some recent book you got to share the pool.
RJ:People are coming and asking you tough questions, making a comment especially the questions that leads to that conversation we instantly get defensive. But stop. Be sensitive to that person, empathize with them and think first why are they asking me that question? They're not doing it just to be mean. You're getting defensive probably for a reason. That reason is probably because it's something you did not do well and you know it. But share the pool with them. There is a reason that person is having that conversation. It is their own emotion. Be aware of their emotion that's leading to that conversation. I have no idea why this just came out, but it's kind of part of that same thing. It's the why.
Coach Dustin:It's getting out of judgment into curiosity.
RJ:Yeah, understand it. There's an emotional reason. That person is wanting that conversation. So stop, find out, be sensitive to it. Find out what the motion is first, because there's a reason.
Coach Dustin:Yeah, Getting curious is a big way to do this. Getting curious about yourself, getting curious about others right Will help with all this emotional intelligence and awareness.
RJ:I believe that's Walt Whitman, if I remember that correctly, from Ted Lasso Be curious, not judgmental, right? I think he credited that to Walt Whitman Be curious, not judgmental.
Coach Dustin:Yes, he did. I credited it from a personal development course I actually took. But you know, it's one thing you talked about. Why am I thinking this way? Why am I getting this same development course I took Always said you cannot control your first thought, but you can control your second Right and the I guess analogy around that. If somebody cuts you off, man, you're out the window. How stupid of a driver can you be? You know more on blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. We've all been there and I'm there probably on a daily basis, but you can stop yourself and be like man. I hope that person's okay. It seems like they're really in a rush. I hope somebody, everybody's okay.
RJ:I hope they get to the hospital before their father dies. I hope they make it.
Coach Dustin:That's changing things. Couldn't do that when you were mad at first, but you can definitely control that second thought, yeah. So emotional intelligence, that's a good one. Develop that, figure that out. And that goes back to your programming as well. We obviously talked about balance. Enough, continuous learning. I cannot talk about that one enough. We'll close with this one and that's celebrate achievements. We've talked about this a lot, but acknowledge and celebrate your achievement. Achievements, no matter how small they are, because it raises your self-esteem. When your self-esteem is raised, your confidence raised. A, you want the momentum because there is momentum, but B it's you're just in a different state. And when you're in a higher state, you have a little bit more clarity, you can be aware, you can find more awareness around everything else.
RJ:Love the winds. Yeah, love the winds. Micro winds there are a lot of little winds.
Coach Dustin:So, guys, what we're going to do is I'm going to put this all in a document to give out to you guys as well, because I think this is so crucial. Again, I work with. A lot of my job as a coach is to help people find awareness and then we create a path for them to get what they want. But you got to have the awareness first. So we'll put this in one of the forums where you can download it and it'll course me on the Balance Business Dad Facebook group that you can go to dadupgroupcom and join us there or just type in Balance Business Dad and we almost have 400 guys now. They're doing life, really going together and intending on being a better father and a husband and a friend and a business owner, all of those things, yeah, or maybe just being better.
RJ:There you go.
Coach Dustin:So that's what I have, guys. I know it's kind of a long-winded one, but awareness is super, super crucial. Go out there, find awareness. Of course, if there's anything we can do for you, look us up and tell them. Guys, just dad up, just the people who love you the most deserve it. Set it.
RJ:All right, we're out.
