Navigating the Journey: Embracing the Transition to Empty Nest Life as Business Dads

The festive season wraps up, and it's that time again when RJ and Dustin swap tales of holiday cheer and the ever-challenging balance between fatherhood and business. Imagine the scene: family gatherings, a birthday bash, and a jaunt to Branson, Missouri, all while keeping the business wheels turning. But as the party hats are put away, we get real about a phase that looms for many dads – the quiet that fills the house when the kids have flown the nest. It's not just about the silence, but the dance of reconnecting with partners and reshaping those relationships that have been so centered on our children for so long.

Transitioning to an empty nest isn't just about missing the noise and bustle—it's a journey of rediscovery. RJ, five years into this chapter, opens up about sending kids off to college and how the house changes when the last one leaves. RJ shares the raw, mixed emotions that tag along, and how, despite initial sadness, there’s an excitement about what lies ahead. There’s a kind of freedom in making plans without a child's schedule in mind, a sentiment many of us haven’t felt since our early dating days.

Wrapping up, we extend a heartfelt invitation to join our brotherhood of business dads seeking harmony in work and family life. The Balanced Business Dad Facebook Group awaits, a place where you can share, learn, and Dad Up' amidst fathers who understand the hustle. Whether you're navigating the loud, messy years or stepping into the serene unknown of an empty home, we're here for it—all of it. So come along and be part of a community that gets the journey you're on.

You can join over 350 other Dads like you by joining The Balanced Business Dad's Facebook group here: dadupgroup.com

Check out our website at: thebalancedbusinessdad.com

Socials:
RJ on Facebook at facebook.com/arjay3rd
RJ on Instagram at instagram.com/rjcampbell3rd
Dustin on Facebook at facebook.com/dustin.charles.718689
Dustin on Instagram at instagram.com/dustin_hoog

Transcript

Voiceover: 0:01

Dads, do you want a thriving business that doesn't control you, a passionate marriage and kids that adore you? Do you want to grow deeper in your faith, be healthier both physically and mentally, build more meaningful relationships with your friends? Welcome to the Balanced Business Dad Podcast, where, in each episode, we dive into balancing and optimizing the six pillars of life Faith, health, marriage, fatherhood, brotherhood and business. And here are your hosts, pioneers of the Balanced Business Dad movement Dustin Hoag and RJ Campbell.

Coach Dustin: 0:36

Hey, what's up everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Balanced Business. Dad, I'm your host, coach Dustin with me, as always, the very seasoned, the very distinguished Mr RJ Campbell. Rj Merry, christmas Merry.

RJ: 0:48

Christmas. How was it? Christmas was fantastic. It really was. Lots of people, lots of food, yeah, lots of crazy. Yeah, and good, crazy, not crazy like people crazy, schedule crazy. It's awesome.

Coach Dustin: 1:00

Yeah, how about yours? It was fantastic, very busy, Honestly. Ours started really December 22nd and ended yesterday, December 29th. So we're in the studio now. We're recording a couple of days before the new year, Super excited about that. But we have Christmas at a couple of different places and then my son's birthday is December 26th, so we go right into that and then we always try to get out of town a little bit. So we went to a place called Branson, Missouri for the last couple of days, which was an awesome trip and it's such a great. I will 100% promote Branson Missouri Hopefully they will hear this, but go if you've never went. It is, in my opinion, probably the most wholesome area I've ever been to in the United States.

RJ: 1:45

That's the beauty of Branson, yeah.

Coach Dustin: 1:47

It's really great. It's been a great time. This time Countryside's great, you're in the Ozark Mountains, it's a lot of fun. So but now we're back and we wanted to.

Coach Dustin: 1:56

This has actually been on our mind to record this episode for a couple weeks, based on some of the coaching conversations that we've been having the last couple of weeks with a couple of the people in the council. And I will say that you know RJ always laughs and kind of makes fun of himself that he doesn't do most of the talking. Well, this one, even though he is really the brains around the podcast they say there's no doubt about that. This one, he has to do all the talking because I am not there. And this is why we like this format so well, because we do come from two different ranges of the spectrum of where we are in life and where we are in the journey of life with our wives and with our children.

Coach Dustin: 2:37

And this one is way when you have to be old, like RJ, and it's all about being an empty nester. And we've had and I've heard other men say this and we've had people in the council talk about it a lot that you know what if I don't know my wife, when the kids leave, because you know they're sending their kids off to college or you know that kind of thing, or we could have anything to talk about. What you know. What does that look like? I don't have that. I'm not even really fearful from that, but I have a long time before that's going to happen. Rj, let's talk about being an empty nester, because really, how long have you been one? And what did that look like?

RJ: 3:17

Yeah, that's a good question about the time and, by the way, this did come about because we were talking to some of the other dads, the members of the council, that that was their exact concern Kids going off to college. So they're beginning of the empty nester. Yeah, yeah, just a few years. I'm trying to think, as our daughter's only been out of college about three years I guess, but she went away to college, right. Yeah, it could be like five years since we've really had kids in the house. Wow, probably longer than I realize that it has been.

RJ: 3:46

And it's a big shift. There's no doubt about it. I mean, it's great, there's no that. Once people have gone through it, there's trepidation. You have some anxiety about it because you've had kids in the house, for you know, who knows how long 30 years could be. But the good side is it's as cool as people say. You know, empty nesting can start early. We always think, like in my case, all three kids are married so they live out of the house, but it starts earlier than that. If they go away to college, you can have your house empty and your kids are really only in their early 20s Now. They might be coming back in the summers. But that real shift is when they're gone gone like ours now. We do not anticipate them coming back. They all have lives, they all have houses. So that's a big change.

Coach Dustin: 4:29

So you kind of did it in stages, right, because I mean it was three kids, three different ages, they all left at a different time, they all did their own thing. Yes, so like you said, it was probably five years or four. So when Madison went off to college, none of the other kids were there, correct, correct?

RJ: 4:46

Yeah, because I think Blake was kind of funny, because our son Blake, our younger son he went away for a while and then he came back and said do you know what? I don't know why I'm spending the money to go away, I'm going to come back to college. So I think they did crossover. I think he was back in the house and Madison was away at college, so it was kind of so it wasn't a perfect on the age, but then he graduated and boom, he was gone and moved out and now married. So there was a little crossover there where we end up with the middle one in the home for a while, but then, once he was gone and Madison was away at school, she's never moved back.

Coach Dustin: 5:19

So when it was you know, once gone not gone, obviously away to school, did that start becoming weird? Or was it just there's not as many people in the house?

RJ: 5:28

Yeah, I don't think that was as weird because of the empty and empty nest. We still remember that day of taking our older son away to college his first day, driving across the state, dropping him off, spending the day there with him, getting all your books, getting everything set up. He was in the dorms the first year. His girlfriend actually went with us and we still laugh about it. You know, in the evening there were some activities You'll kind of get to know each other activities going on at the dorms.

RJ: 5:55

So we were loading up in the car to drive back to this side of the state and still remember saying our goodbyes and watching him walk away across that parking lot with his head down, you know, kicking a rock as he was walking away and thinking, man, that sure looks sad and pathetic. And coming home that night and in bed and saying to my wife I hope he calls tomorrow and says he's miserable, he wants to come home, go to school here and get his old job back at Best Buy, which is horrible. But you know that's the first one. Then after that it's a little easier. That poor middle kid.

RJ: 6:29

I'm telling you I mean it's sad in its own way with each one, but I don't think it was that different. You just have two kids in the house instead of three. It's really when there's none there and you're just staring at this stranger on the other side of the couch.

Coach Dustin: 6:42

Which let's get into that. You know, we've talked to so many other guys that you know and they're actually really committed to sports with their kids. I mean this one. He said he had 16 sporting events in one weekend between three different kids. Right, that was a lot. You guys had a lot of that too, where you guys were moving in a lot of directions. So now it's over and it is just you and your spouse Right or leading up to that Tell us. You mentioned that there's anxiety around it. What does that look like? What is that?

RJ: 7:11

I think we had that same feel. I hear other dads say that that's what they're nervous about is wow, do we know each other anymore? We've had all these distractions for all this time. Are we? What's it going to be like when it's just us? And I equate it to dating again when you dated. And now my wife and I dated for seven years. That's a different story, but you know it was the same way. You know we weren't. We didn't have distractions, it was just us. Now we didn't live together, but we were together all the time.

RJ: 7:43

So I, to me it's much more like that. It's it's dating again. It's getting to know them, but not in a weird way, like I'm not asking what their Bible verse tattoo is on the wrist, but because I know that if my wife had one. But it's still like that. You know it is a getting to know each other, but not like you don't know them. But it does kind of have that feel of dating again that you have the freedom when do we want to? Where do we want to go to dinner on Saturday night and you Watching movies together? So there was nothing to me that was bad about it. When people Tell, that's what I would say more than anything else Don't be so worried that I don't know if I know this person anymore. Yeah, you do. It's still the same person. You fell in love with the same person you married. Now that you have those other distractions out of the way called kids and activities, you're just back to doing what you guys did.

Coach Dustin: 8:34

I like that. And what do you say for those guys that are saying they don't know their spouse? Would you believe that they probably know them better than they ever thought they did?

RJ: 8:42

Yes, yeah, I think that's paranoia. Talking, you know, because there are some that we've talked to is like yeah, I mean, there's times I haven't seen my wife for four days because we have so many activities, yeah, but you know what? You'll fall right at least we did and I really think, if you don't Let this get away from you in some way, you'll just fall right back into those same routines that you had when you were dating. What are we going to do? What are we going to watch? You want to go to a movie? Because now we can. You know dinners and meals, all those things become so much more sense. There's so much more simple, because you're not worrying about other people too.

RJ: 9:18

Yeah, so let's stress us picking out our meals for the week or what we're gonna have now it's like, what sure that's easy. We'll just do that. You don't have three other people saying I don't like that. So to me a lot of it does become easier, without a doubt.

Coach Dustin: 9:32

So it's interesting. You know, I it's kind of weird, but when you were saying that, the only way I can relate that to right now which is completely different, but it's also how I related it to it is when our Dog passed away in April. Now there is not as much planning as there is when we go do something, right like all right, let's hop in the car and let's leave for a week, we don't have to tell anyone, we don't have to ask anyone, and that's kind of where you guys are right now. I mean that sound and that we obviously are taking the kids, but you guys get to do whatever we do, and that's why we don't want a dog.

RJ: 10:03

We don't have one now we have a lot of grand dogs, but we do. When it's on a weekend, we can and we do. It's like, hey, let's just head down to Everybody knows where it is. But St Genevieve, there's a great park down there with some really good hiking. Let's just go. Let's do that tomorrow morning. Let's get up, drive down there, we'll hike for the day, grab some lunch, bring lunch with us.

RJ: 10:24

Those type of things you couldn't do when your kids were little if you weren't taking them. And you don't have to come back if we wanted to. We just get an Airbnb down and say, genevieve, come back the next day or the next week, doesn't matter. That's that's exciting, it is so. That is the part that is exciting and we both know it. Yeah, we jump on the motorcycle and can just be. Where do you want to go? Well, let's go and we'll take off for a ride, we're gonna lunch somewhere and we come back in the afternoon. Can't do that when you have little kids, nice. So those things are why people say it's. It's really a great Next stage. Nothing better than having your kids around and nothing better. But this is just a new, better stage.

Coach Dustin: 11:00

Yeah, I like that, yeah, so obviously we know RJ hair is a lot, so he has notes, which I love, but you know he's jokes that he's not a coach, he's a little c because he is a coach, but he's really a mentor in this so he can take us down. How do we do this and what needs to happen to make sure that we are living that passionate marriage still as an empty nester? So what are some of the tips, things you have in your notes here that for the dads that are a, we're all going to experience this, right, that's the goal is our kids move out, which is kind of a weird goal, right?

Voiceover: 11:33

we have these kids.

Coach Dustin: 11:34

But man, our goal is to get them out. But how do we do this? How are we purposeful about?

RJ: 11:39

this. It's amazing to me how many times we talk about communication on these podcasts. But as you're approaching that time of the becoming an empty nester and it does typically happen slowly, like did for us, I think let's only have one child it's talking about it, but not like in some really deep way of planning, but it's acknowledging wow, our life is going to be very different. But here's the big one to me be okay with still having individual lives, because this is where dads have talked to us like man, I don't know what I'm going to do all day now with my wife. You know, do I know her enough anymore? I mean, just, we're just going to be together all day? No, you're not. You're still going to, depending on your age, both, like you're still going to work, she might be going to work, but be okay, just like when you were dating, you didn't just have to be together all day.

RJ: 12:35

Every day, it is okay to discover your own interests, and I have always had interest that my wife and I don't share. I want to be on my, I want to be on that bicycle for hours at a time. She has no desire. We hike together. That's something we do together. I'll go on long motorcycle rides or weekend motorcycle rides and camping. She wants nothing to do with that. She'll go on the longer ride. So we're okay having totally separate activities. You had activities that were different when you were 19 and 20 and you were dating. Right, you didn't just hang on each other all the time. She went out with her friends, you went out with your friends and you have to be still okay with that. I still have my same friends. I let her know. Hey, I'm doing this on the weekend or this night after work. So that is where I think there's so much fear. Oh my gosh, what do I do with this person 24 hours a day?

Coach Dustin: 13:25

well, you're not together 24 hours a day and maybe I'm wrong because, again, I haven't experienced this, but it's, if you know, my wife came to me and said, hey, I'm going to go on a weekend trip with the girls when I'm an empty nest, or all right, see ya. Like it's much easier, sweet right, like it it because there's not those other people we're all responsible for. So, like if she said that now, awesome, great, go, have a good time. But that means all right, what is my schedule? Like, I have to do this, I have to do this, I gotta make sure that I am feeding those people. You know there's, there's a lot more into it. Yep, we're now. It's probably easier to have your own individual life.

Coach Dustin: 14:02

If she said that, I'm thinking that's nine meals of fried chicken of no rules that she has to cook before she leaves, but that's besides the point. Gotta leave me the food so, yes, things like that.

RJ: 14:13

I mean I absolutely want her to have her own life and her own interest, and we do. You know, we're not even at night. I mean we're. We're together a lot. We are a couple that likes to be together when we're at home, so we'll watch some shows together, or one or two shows. Last night we watched a movie, but then there's other times I'm in my office and I'm reading, and she's the same thing. She's in a family room reading, and so it's not like you have to just sit side by side on the couch for seven hours every night. We have our own interest and you have to be just comfortable just remembering. That's what it was when you dated. We had our own interest. So it's not that scary. You just you kind of easily flow back into that.

Coach Dustin: 14:49

Well, if you're purposeful about it.

RJ: 14:51

If you're purposeful if you know, yeah, you're right. I mean, I assume there are some people that it just doesn't work that way. Yeah, they really don't feel like they know the person or they let it get to them too much.

Coach Dustin: 15:02

Right, either they're together too much or not together enough, so it can be a downside and that's probably that mental, mental state of fear is causing the issue instead of just coming out right. So fear, the acronym for fear, is false evidence appearing real. Let's just break through this, because this really isn't the case.

RJ: 15:20

No, no, being afraid of it, I think probably can lead into a lot of the problems, yeah.

Coach Dustin: 15:26

Instead of being excited for it. I mean, I have a long way and yet it is something I'm looking forward to, Because you'll see me doing it.

RJ: 15:33

Yeah, I've talked about this before. I have five older sisters. They're way into this path and so, hearing from them a lot of times I go oh, you are going to love it, you love having your kids around and, like Dustin mentioned, for some weird reason our kids still like me. They come home, they like to hang out with us. But when you don't have that responsibility of chasing them around, that we can just do whatever we want. It's a great thing, like tonight. My wife and I are at home last night and my wife says, hey, why don't we reach out to Glen and Jeannie or friends, see if they want to go to Hobos tomorrow night for the world's greatest fried chicken? By the way, come to St Peter's, missouri, at the VFW Hall where Hobos is. Isn't that the American Legion?

Voiceover: 16:14

Oh, no, it isn't.

RJ: 16:14

American.

Coach Dustin: 16:15

Legion, that's the American.

RJ: 16:15

Legion, yeah, american Legion. It's the same place to me, deep domestic beer and great fried chicken. So anyway little things like that. We're like, yeah, send Glen a taxi. He's like, oh, we're in six o'clock, be hungry. So you know, those are those little fun things.

Coach Dustin: 16:30

Just don't be afraid of it Now did that start when the kids were still around, maybe later years in high school, maybe going to college, that kind of that kind of start. Then it does, because I would assume it does.

RJ: 16:43

Yeah, we did, for sure, yeah, once they were in high school and they're not around as much anyway, they have cars and they're gone, yeah. So you definitely start to build that freedom that way. So it's a gradual thing. That's where I just don't think it just happens overnight, unless you only have one child. For us it slowly works its way there. Then you can start working on yourself. Yeah.

Coach Dustin: 17:05

Well, start working on yourself before. That is what I would encourage.

RJ: 17:07

Yeah, Dustin's big on personal development Me. I put it off until I was 58.

Coach Dustin: 17:14

You know, what's interesting is because why I'm hearing through this. You know we have a lot of that time to ourselves now. I'm very, very blessed with. You know, I've always said, because my parents get a divorce at an early age, it was the greatest blessing because I have four parents, which means my children have four grandparents I guess three now. Yet, you know so there has never been a month where we've had the kids every single night in a month since my son has been six weeks old. That's crazy, Right, and I never realized that. So we kind of get that experience now, which maybe is why I'm kind of also looking forward to it, because I know what happens to us now. Right, Like tomorrow my kids will go for new years with my parents and my father. I know we have 48 hours, we can do whatever we want, it's the same.

RJ: 17:55

Yeah, same thing, so it's very exciting. Nothing to be afraid of.

Coach Dustin: 17:59

So to wrap this up, because again we wanted to put this out there is because we were hearing this from a lot of guys in the council what would you tell them? What is the one thing that they can take away from this episode if they're getting ready to embark on this new adventure with their spouse?

RJ: 18:15

So you mentioned one of the words. I've said it a couple of times fear. Don't go into this with fear and trepidation. Talk to people that have already gone through it or listened to them. I mean, dustin just hears he's just seeing this because I'm 20 years, his senior, so he's seeing me go through it. Don't be afraid of it. Look forward to it, learn from it, learn ahead of time. Spend some time. You will realize that you're already doing this as your kids get older.

RJ: 18:42

Don't be afraid to have different interests too. That's the big thing. When I really started thinking about this is that we are not afraid to do things on our own. Heck, my wife will just go out. Hiking on her own Scares me to death sometimes, but so, like yep, I'm going up doing the long hike on this particular trail eight miles I go. Wow, that's a long time in the woods with who knows who around, but you know she'd kill them anyway because she's frightening. It's for a little person. So, yeah, just don't be afraid to. You're going to have separate interests. Continue having those, enjoy the time together and just go do stuff because you can love that.

Coach Dustin: 19:18

This is part of the journey, right, it is circle of life, as Mufasa said.

RJ: 19:22

This is the circle of life. Yeah, we've got 15 good summers left. My wife hates what I say this is exciting, guys.

Coach Dustin: 19:30

Thank you so much for taking a listen today. Again, we wanted to get this out there because this is what other people are worrying about, so we want to make sure that we can offer value to you guys. Join the conversation at the free Facebook group, the balanced business, dad. You can get to that at dadupgroupcom. And remember to dad up, gentlemen, because the people who love us the most deserve it. That is so true.

RJ: 19:51

Come to that group. Go to dadupgroupcom, join the free Facebook group. We're there, hundreds of dads on there just chatting. Come on, hang out with us. I'll tell more of these riveting stories.

Coach Dustin: 20:02

We love it. We'll see you next year. Super out 9, 7, 9, 8.